


improvised song dedicated to the next prime minister's ship

by nootnootsaggressively



Category: Final Fantasy XV, Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Persona Fusion, Families of Choice, Friendship, Gen, Humor, i'll slowly add all the chars as they turn up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-08 17:04:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15934691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nootnootsaggressively/pseuds/nootnootsaggressively
Summary: “Let us all set sail toward a happy future, together. I hope to continue serving you all!”“Shaddup, you old hag,” Prompto mutters as he flops back onto a couch. Ignis, too, sinks into a chair, taking his mask off and rubbing his eyes.Noct surveys the room; Cindy’s wiping the grease off her wrench, Aranea’s keeping one steely eye on the door, spear as sharp as always, and Iris is fiddling around with her laptop again. Gladio’s arms are crossed from where he sits on his stool, and Luna’s taken to rummaging through their supplies, meticulously checking and making a note of where they fall short.They’re all knackered. Noct knows this, but there’s only a couple of days before they have to send the calling card, and Iris had told him that it would be a big one.(( alternatively, a short collection of drabbles where we shove FFXV and Persona 5 together and everything is pretty cool ))





	improvised song dedicated to the next prime minister's ship

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this one in April. and then summer happened. 
> 
> oops.
> 
> and just today I realised that entire 29 page thing I was writing up would probably look better in lil drabbles, so I decided to divide the fic up and post it bit by bit. :')
> 
> this is a P5 x FFXV AU, which might mean that some things mayyy not make sense if you haven't played P5, unfortunately. I've tried to simplify the wackier things, though (and that game is _wacky_ ) so if you have questions, feel free to holler @ me!
> 
> for this one, all ya need to know is that some burgers have the Potential to make you c o u r a g e o u s. ;)
> 
> i'll probably edit in the morning when i'm not so goddam tired. for now, pls enjoy <3

"Welcome to Big Bang Burger, open twenty-four hours a day, because there's no day or night in space!" chirps the girl behind the till; exuberant, welcoming and decked out in mustard yellow and ketchup red.

Noct shoves his hands in his pockets, and shifts uneasily on both feet. Around him, the neon lights blink and flash at rapid speed. Directly overhead, there’s a picture of a burger shaped like a spaceship, with a deceptive smiley face painted on top of the layers of meat, cheese and lettuce.

_ Lettuce.  _ Noct groans.

"Due to the popularity of the Big Bang Challenge,” the girl continues, “we are offering a special winter campaign. At night, the Big Bang Challenge will cost our intrepid travellers a meager free of only 500 gil!"

She gestures to the nearest sign; a burger with googly eyes, flashing happily, all ketchupy smiles and tomato cheeks.

“Yeah, I’ll have that,” Noct mutters, and pulls out his wallet. His bag wriggles about, and he surreptitiously moves it out of the way, so that it’s tucked behind his back.

"Splendid!” the girl beams, clapping her hands together. “As you are a First Mate, the ultimate mission awaits! Now go on, and take a seat!”

Noct nods politely, and searches for a seat tucked in the corner of the shop, away from watchful stares. He knows that it doesn’t work like that - the glass windows and the low-lying  booths betray him,  _ every time - _ but he takes what he can get.

He sits on the plush crimson seat, and squeezes up until he’s pressed comfortably against the wall. He swings his schoolbag onto the seat opposite and is just about to pull out his phone, until he notices a soft, pink nose trying to poke its way through the bag’s back pocket.

“Wait - Carbuncle, get back in!” Noct hisses, quickly zipping the bag up again. It’s a bit of an effort, but he manages to shove the bag onto the floor, just as the girl arrives at his table. She’s holding something behind her hands, and thankfully, it doesn’t seem as if she’s noticed the scuffle.

She grins broadly at them, and Noct smiles as normally as he can, while his bag keeps squirming against his foot.

“Well, here we are! This is the final task before you can ascend to the rank of Captain!” 

“Mmfph!” demands his bag, and it’s a good thing the girl can’t hear it, because Noct’s trying really hard not to wince every time it shakes.

"Our store's behemoth burger stands in your way! A meal of leviathan proportions…” The girl pauses, before giving a dramatic gasp. "The Cosmic Tower Burger!"

She gives a triumphant noise, red hat bobbing up and down as she bounces on her feet, and then she withdraws her hands from behind her back.

There, nestled in her palms, is a plate. On that plate wobbles a monster of epic proportions: slab after slab of glistening, chargrilled meat, dripping in sizzling juices, slotted between melted cheese and tangy sauce, which drips over the buns and stands out like a sore thumb against the stark white ceramic. 

Noct’s jaw drops as he tilts his head to stare at it, because the top of the burger goes on to rise above eye level.

_ I - how am I supposed to - _

In his speechless state, he doesn’t realise when his bag finally opens itself, but the sudden presence of long, floppy ears and silvery, downy fur is enough to tell him that his companion’s gotten out of his cage.

“It’s so  _ big…”  _ Carbuncle squeaks, dreamily. His ear flop, up and down, as he shakes his head this way and that from under the table, trying to get a sense of how tall the thing really is.

The assistant leans forward, voice dropping until it’s just a stage-whisper. "This burger is the ultimate embodiment of the limitless nature of space! The volume... the flavour... the calories... Every aspect of this burger is,” she slams her fist on the table, making the salt shaker jump,  _ “astronomical!" _

_ Oh, no… There’s seven layers of lettuce in there,  _ Noct realises, panicked, as he keeps counting,  _ eight layers of tomato, nine layers of cucumber - is that a pickle? Astrals, that’s a pickle - fuck - I’m gonna die, and Prompto still owes me ramen - _

"Well then, it's time to get the thirty-minute Big Bang Challenge started!”

Noct whips his head up, startled. Around him, customers have stopped in their own ministrations, curious to see whether another Shujin student’s about to dive headlong into a food coma again. 

Turns out, that’s exactly what he’s about to do.

“Carbuncle, this was a  _ bad idea-”  _ Noct hisses, rightly freaked out even as he hurriedly wipes his fingers against his trousers.

“No, Noct, you can do it!” Carbuncle squeaks, encouragingly. “I believe in you!”

_ Easy for you to say,  _ Noct thinks, as he steels himself and tries not to cry.

“Ready…”

_ Oh, fuck it - _

“Go!”

Noct draws the plate closer to him, rolls up his sleeves, and gulps.

  
  
  
  


"Aw, it didn't work out... You had a ton of energy at the start, though!"

Noct doesn’t respond, because currently, he’s facedown on the desk. His glasses are squashed up and are grating uncomfortably against his nose, his stomach feels like it’s going to burst and explode against the inside of his shirt, and his trouser button feels strained and tight. At this rate, he’ll need a new uniform.

“Don’t worry, Noct!” Carbuncle continues, ever the optimist. “I guess that means it’ll just take a bit more courage to tackle this challenge.”

“Gwuhh…” Noct tries, before turning away. Nope - no talking for him, tonight.

_ Gods,  _ that lettuce had been toe-curling, and not in the good way.

Carbuncle bounds onto his lap, pawing at his front and trying to get him to sit up. “Hey! You had a lot of enthusiasm in the face of such adversity!” Noct complies, albeit with the speed of a sleepy snail. “That was pretty cool!”

Noct looks at Carbuncle, bleary-eyed, and then looks back at the tray, where the sad remains of his butchered attempt at bravery stare back at him.

“Y’think I got some Guts?” he slurs, not even bothering to keep his eyes open as he leans against the window.

“Yeah! You definitely did,” Carbuncle confirms. “Wanna try out the airsoft guy now?”

“Gimme… gimme a minute or two,” Noct sighs, and it’s long and laden with suffering. “I have to… digest…”

He groans, and grips the edge of the table.

“That’s alright,” Carbuncle says, sympathetic, as Noct smacks his head back on the table. “We can wait a bit.”

Carbuncle curls up, a warm weight nestled in his lap, as Noct breathes in, and tries to remember what feeling normal feels like.

  
  
  
  
  


“Come on, Noct! How hard can it be?”

Noct stares at the door. The ‘OPEN’ sign stares back at him.

“He probably thinks I’m a creep by now,” Noct mumbles, adjusting the strap of his bag. It’s started to rain in Insomnia, and the soft droplets sink into the fabric of his blazer and stick the strands of his hair together into sad, drooping mess.

“Hey, you never know,” Carbuncle squeaks. He pops his head out for a split second, ruby   glinting as he noses Noct’s arm. “It can’t hurt to try. And anyway, you still have to ask about the bag!”

The bag, which was currently stashed away hastily under his bed, in fear of someone discovering it and finding another way to stick his probation into the proverbial gutter.

Noct sighs, and rakes a hand through his hair. “I guess,” he says, as his fingers come away damp, and he pushes the door open.

The sinister face masks and gun models decorating the walls of the shop never fail to make his stomach churn in unease, though Noct’s gotten used to it by this point. A customer pushes past him, brown paper bag in hand. whistling jovially as he swings his goods and leaves the shop.

"...You again?" a voice grunts, low and hard, and Noct peers around the corner to find Nyx staring at him, eyes furrowed and braids framing his chiseled face, characteristic cigarette in mouth.

Noct gulps silently. He steps forward and sticks his hands in his pocket, trying to seem as nonchalant and cool as he does in school.

"Are you gonna try and sell me something weird again, kid?" Nyx asks, looking Noct up and down with a bored look.

“Nah, ‘course not,” Noct answers, as amicable as he can make it, surreptitiously wiping his sticky palms onto his pocket lining. He glances around at the walls, pretending to seem deeply interested in the guns, his mind going about ten miles a minute as he tries to work up the nerve to ask Nyx the question.

It’s a question. Just one question. Seven words -  _ you know that bag you gave me? -  _ and he’d be done - so why can’t he do it? 

"So, what're you here for?" Nyx says, looking away for a split second to rifle through his drawers.

_ Do it! Just do it! _

"Don't panic, Noct! Ask him!" Carbuncle urges, jostling around in his bag.

“I, er-” Noct stutters, and that’s the best start already, isn’t it? “I want to-”  _ ask about the bag! Ask about the bag! _ “-purchase. Something.”

If magical foxes could groan, Noct’s sure that Carbuncle would be groaning right now.

Noct wants to groan, too. He wants to let out one long groan, into the rain, slump onto the floor, stare at the sky and think about every decision he’s ever made  _ ever _ , and how they’ve all gone so wrong. 

At any rate, Nyx raises his eyebrows. The rapid jostling in his bag has stopped, and Noct feels a cold wave of shame wash over him. Gloomily, he thinks that he really wouldn’t mind if he could go outside and drown himself in the rain, right about now. 

“Oh, yeah? Come here then,” and Nyx beckons him over with one crooked finger, grinning ever-so-slightly. “Let’s take a look.”

Noct leans over the counter to inspect his wares, just as Nyx props his feet up on the chair and sets the cigarette down. 

The guns are nice, and would probably be useful, but Noct’s still an idiot, and he still wants to steamroll himself into the wall in shame.

_ ‘Gutsy burger’, my ass. _

  
  
  
  
  


“I hate this,” Noct moans, as soon as he steps out of the shop. The rain’s falling in a torrential downpour now, and Noct winces as he rubs at his joints, before stealing a glimpse at Carbuncle, who’s taking shelter in his bag.

Carbuncle squeaks, and it’s high and comforting, but Noct still wants to lie down on the street and cry.

“How many more burgers am I supposed to  _ eat?”  _ he laments, swinging Carbuncle and his bag under his arm as he takes out his umbrella. “Aren’t I - aren’t I brave enough already? I tried to eat a burger that was  _ taller than me!” _

“We’ll get there one day, Noct,” Carbuncle says, and it’s muffled, but Noct can still hear the hope behind it, clear as day. “Just a little more will do it, I think!”

"You sure?" Noct asks, doubtful, and Carbuncle flops his ears. 

"Positive!" 

Noct stares down at the bag a little more, before conceding with a huff and a small smile. 

"Alright. Thanks, Carbuncle. Wanna go home?" 

Carbuncle hums in affirmation, ducking into the cover of his bag again, and Noct starts heading towards the train station, brown paper bag swinging from his arm.

**Author's Note:**

> I know that Akira prob doesn't have prescription glasses, but I can dream (which means that Noct gets them too!)
> 
> this chapter is a bit oofy for me. I haven't written for ages, so I'm very rusty. let me know what you think! and find me over @ whimsofffate on tumblr to say hi & yell at me about videogame OSTs :)


End file.
